


Just for a sacred moment (hold me please, keep me safe)

by Sheepgirl3



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Actually Steve already is eighteen waiting on Bucky here, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Awesome Sarah Rogers, Brock is an abusive asshole and he assaults Bucky in many ways, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky has a bad home, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Rape, Explicit Sexual Content, Football, Girls play football-deal with it, Homophobia, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Our boys are just barely underage, Pierce and Rumlow are shits, Protective Steve Rogers, Rape/Non-con - Freeform, Steve has problems with denial, They’re seniors and almost eighteen, Unhealthy Relationships, eventual consensual smut, including sexual, steve is an idiot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:34:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22555660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheepgirl3/pseuds/Sheepgirl3
Summary: Bucky is the star linebacker for the Hydras. Steve is the famous quarterback for the Shields. Steve and the most popular girl in school, Peggy, are on again off again SOs. Bucky is stuck in an abusive relationship with the coach’s son and star wide receiver on the Hydras, Brock. Steve and Bucky meet when Hydras and Shields play against each other. Bucky falls hard for Steve, but is terrified of Brock. Steve is in denial-and hurts others with it.Their friends? Are so, so done.In which our boys hurt a lot, but eventually figure it out.*BOTH THE FIRST TWO CHAPTERS ARE REWRITTEN! I will now get back to posting new chapters instead of rewriting*
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Brock Rumlow, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Comments: 68
Kudos: 120





	1. A sneak peek

**Author's Note:**

> Please keep in mind! I’m homeschooled, always have been. I’ve never been in a public school setting, I’m just guessing on it all, so apologies for inaccuracies.  
> I love football! I’ve never seen anything below NFL level though, so they’re playing by NFL rules.  
> This is going to be a really sad fic for a while guys. And I’ll warn you, there’s going to be a lot of explicit rape. If anything here is triggering, please don’t read! And if I’m missing a trigger, please comment and be nice about it, this is my first trigger warning type fic. This idea just wouldn’t leave my mind.  
> More to come!  
> I do not own Marvel or any of the characters.  
> (Chapters, especially at the beginning, may be subject to some edits while I find my footing)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is the star linebacker for the Hydras. Steve is the famous quarterback for the Shields. Steve and the most popular girl in school, Peggy, are on again off again SOs. Bucky is stuck in an abusive relationship with the coach’s son and star wide receiver on the Hydras, Brock. Steve and Bucky meet when Hydras and Shields play against each other. Bucky falls hard for Steve, but is terrified of Brock. Steve is in denial-and hurts others with it.  
> Their friends? Are so, so done.
> 
> In which our boys hurt a lot, but eventually figure it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please keep in mind! I’m homeschooled, always have been. I’ve never been in a public school setting, I’m just guessing on it all, so apologies for inaccuracies.  
> I love football! I’ve never seen anything below NFL level though, so they’re playing by NFL rules.  
> This is going to be a really sad fic for a while guys. And I’ll warn you, I have no idea how far I’ll take the rape non con stuff, it’s pretty upfront at first. If anything here is triggering, please don’t read! And if I’m missing a trigger, please comment and be nice about it, this is my first trigger warning type fic. This idea just wouldn’t leave my mind.  
> More to come!  
> I do not own Marvel or any of the characters.  
> (Chapters, especially at the beginning, may be subject to some edits while I find my footing)

Steven Grant Rogers left his house with a half hearted wave to his mom, climbing into his car and just sitting for a moment, running a hand through his hair. He so wasn’t ready to deal with Peggy today, not after her declaring yet another break. But she was impossible to avoid.

Oh, and they had a game today. Great. Steve took out his phone to text Carol Danvers, the Captain of their Defense.

Steve: how long exactly has it been since we played the Hydras?

A minute later, Carol answered: two years. Their team was under construction last year.

Carol: I’m looking forward to beating some Hydra ass.

Steve: save some for me.

Steve grinned at his phone for a moment. Carol was the sassy, popular girl that had paved the way for girls on the Shields football team. She was a lot of fun to work with, and to hang around.

Steve’s smile dropped as he thought about the coming school day. Maybe if he was lucky, Loki would play his next prank when Peggy was in the splash zone.

Steve immediately felt guilty. He shouldn’t think like that, that wasn’t respectful at all.

Besides, he was never that lucky.

**********

James Buchanan Barnes-aka Bucky-rubbed his eyes tiredly as he walked home. He’d just gotten off his shift and all he wanted to do was sleep. However, he had school, and a game to play. He didn’t want to think about what’d happen if he missed either.

He entered the apartment his mother “owned”, barely paying attention to his mother passed out on the couch and instead going to the cabinets, looking to see if she’d brought anything home food wise.

Nope. No sign she’d even left the house. Not surprising, really. His mother, Winnifred Barnes, lived off of takeout that her fucks brought her and beer-also that her fucks brought her.

Bucky ran a hand through his long hair and groaned. He was already going to be late for school, he didn’t have time to search the dumpsters. He’d have to go hungry.

Bucky grabbed his backpack and rummaged through his pockets. His phone, which was a very old iPhone (he wasn’t sure they still produced it anymore) lit up with a message from the only contact he was allowed. He opened the page with trembling hands and read the message.

Brock: where the hell r u?

Brock: you told me you’d be here in time to hold you to your promise yesterday, get your ass over here

Bucky grimaced. He’d managed to worm his way out of Brock fucking him yesterday by promising to do it today instead. Brock wouldn’t fuck him before a big game, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t still supposed to do something that wasn’t connected to his ass.

Bucky left the house a few minutes later, hungry, tired, and so done.

***********

Steve was closing his locker at the end of the school day, ready to head out to practice, when he heard a voice from behind him.

“Steve! Man, I’ve been tryna text you all morning.” Sam Wilson, Steve’s best friend since first grade, came closer and they greeted each other warmly. Steve then grimaced.

“Yeah, I turned my phone off when I got here. Too many notifications.”

Sam frowned. “So it is true. Peggy took another break?” Steve nodded glumly. Sam looked far less than pleased. “Well, at least she’s on schedule. It’s been almost two months since last time.”

“Sam.” Steve sighed out, too tired to be a warning.

Sam fixed him with a stubborn glare. “You gotta stop taking her back man. You’re miserable.”

Steve looked around out of habit and caught sight of Peggy down the hall, taking animatedly with her cousin Sharon. The sight did nothing but spike exhaustion and upset in his core. Sam was right, but Steve couldn’t deal with this now. “Let’s talk about it later. For now, let’s hunt down Tony and Thor, head to the locker rooms together.”

Sam clapped him on the back. “There we go. Let’s do this.”

**********

Bucky walked into the locker room slowly and quietly. He was one of the last to arrive, scared to face Brock since he’d not seen him that morning. Brock had not been pleased that Bucky had refused to skip his classes, and Bucky knew he would pay for it.

For now, Coach Pierce was talking to the team. Bucky settled on the outskirts to listen.

“Boys.” Pierce’s smile was genuine enough, pride shining through. “Today, we play the Shields, one of the top teams in our league. We’ve been preparing for weeks for every possibility, and I believe we’re prepared. Remember, our order is through pain. So unless you’ve broken something or are dying, you’re not leaving that field until you’ve given it your all.” Pierce looked around and smiled again once he’d gotten the agreement he had wanted. “Good. Now, we’re going to get our gear, we’re going to get on that bus, and we’re going to whip Shields’ ass. For the greater good of all concerned. Hail Hydras!”

“Hail Hydras! Hail Hydras! Hail Hydras!”

Bucky didn’t participate in the chant, instead turning away to start packing his gear. Pierce left the room to make sure the bus was pulled around and the locker room went silent. Bucky felt a certain pair of eyes on him and he trembled. Whatever was happening, he didn’t want it to.

“Hey fellas.” A deep voice cut through the silence. Bucky winced. “Let’s say we give ourselves a good luck charm, huh? A little relaxation?”

There was a chorus of, “Yeah Brock!”

Bucky flinched when he felt Brock’s hand on his shoulder, squeezing hard. “Hey baby. You’ve been a bad boy.” The squeeze tightened. “A very, very bad boy. And what do we do to bad boys?”

Bucky whispered, “Brock, seriously I had a quiz today. I couldn’t skip, I just couldn’t.”

The hold tightened. “What do we do to bad boys, precious?”

Bucky whimpered out, terrified, “Punish them.”

Brock’s hand pushed on his shoulder. “On your knees.” Bucky refused for a moment, starting to tremble harder. Brock shoved him to the ground, Bucky crying out when his knees painfully hit the concrete floor. “Open your mouth, precious.” Bucky was trembling so badly he could barely move. Brock backhanded him across the face and Bucky cried out as his head was snapped to the side. “I’ll force it if I have to, Jamie. Open!”

Bucky obeyed and held it as Brock pulled his swollen cock out of his pants and pressing it to Bucky’s open mouth, sliding in. Bucky gagged as Brock jerked against his throat, tears blurring his vision and time going completely out of its orbit. At one point, Bucky looked over and saw that every man watching them right now was stroking their hard lengths, some coming closer and jerking off over his head. 

Bucky whimpered, hating be exposed like this and scared of what might happen. He then gagged and choked as Brock shoved his way all the way down his throat and brutally fucked his throat. Bucky knew he was making noises, and that tears streamed down his face, despite his pain, he worked on getting his boyfriend off quickly. 

Suddenly, Brock grunted and shot off against the back of Bucky’s throat. His friends all shot off close to the same time, and Bucky was soon covered in cum. As he knelt trembling on the concrete, one guy called out,

“Hey Brock! When are you going to pass him around? We all want a piece of that pretty ass.”

Brock smirked. “We’ll save that for when he’s been really, really bad. When he needs to be destroyed.”

At everyone’s laugh, Bucky stood shakily and hurried out, trying to make it to the bathroom as fast as he could to clean himself up. Once there, he sank to the floor once he saw all the cum in his hair and began to sob.

He hated this. He didn’t want to be there. Existing felt too hard.


	2. The Game and the Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game between the Hydras and the Shields.
> 
> Brock is a shit, and this is the first, more descriptive rape scene. At the very end though. Steve is so oblivious, that’ll take a bit to change

The Hydra bus pulled up to the SSR-Scholastic Statistic Reversional-parking lot. Bucky was huddled in the very back, headphones in and curled in on himself. He watched out the window without really seeing, trying to make all 5’11, 150 lbs of himself disappear.

The bus parked and Bucky watched as all his teammates passed by him without a second glance. Even Brock didn’t look back at him, which Bucky was grateful for. He heaved himself up and grabbed his bag, making his way to the bus doors.

Once he stood on solid ground, Bucky was about ready to turn towards the locker rooms with the rest of his team when he heard, “Солдат. Сюда.” Soldier. Over here. Bucky whirled and saw his best-and only-friend leaning against the side of the school.

Relieved, he trotted over to her and practically flung himself into her arms, neither minding that he was much bigger than her 5’6, 125 lbs. Her arms wrapped around him tightly and held him close. “Natasha.” He breathed.

Her hold on him tightened. “What’d he do this time?”

Natasha knew him so well. Bucky simply shook his head against her shoulder, whispering, “I can’t.”

Natasha simply nodded and squeezed him. “Ok, soldat.” Bucky took comfort in the familiar name. “Have you eaten at all today, Bucky?”

Bucky shook his head and bit down a noise at the thought of food. Immediately, a few granola bars were thrust under his nose and he immediately grabbed them, tearing the wrappers off and devouring them. When he finished, the pang of hunger had subsided somewhat and he felt slightly more energized. He muttered, “Thanks Nat.”

“Of course. I wish I could’ve brought more.” Nat looked amazing as always today, red hair styled perfectly and dressed in stylish black leather. She should be out enjoying herself, not stuck down with him. Bucky felt a pang of guilt. He didn’t deserve her.

Right on time, he heard heavy footsteps and a growl of, “James.”

Bucky glanced behind him to see Brock standing there with a cold edge to his eyes and his face hardened. “Get in the locker rooms.”

Bucky nodded. “One moment.”

“Now.”

Bucky turned to Nat, who was glaring at Brock. She slipped in Russian, which Brock hated but could not understand. “Должен быть другой путь. Он тебя убьет.” There must be another way. He will kill you.

Bucky’s shoulders slumped further. “По крайней мере, это будет облегчение.” At least it will be relief.

Natasha had no time to respond to that as Bucky stiffened, feeling Brock’s presence just behind him. He straightened and started to move back. “Увидимся после игры?” See you after the game?

Natasha nodded. “Удачи.” Good luck.

Bucky nodded and then headed for the lockers, pointedly ignoring Brock the entire way. He knew he’d pay for it all-he was right, as Brock slammed his head against the cement wall and promised punishment that night-but sometimes it was defiance in the small things that kept your spirit from breaking.

*********

Steve always studied the opposing team religiously, their players and their techniques. He knew Hydra would be a formidable opponent, but for the most part, he was confident they could win. Except for one big question mark that Coach Maria Hill was addressing now.

“I know we’ve talked about Hydra’s defense fairly often over the last few weeks, but I finally got some information on their star linebacker. As you know, Hydra is very closed-mouthed about many things, and this player was one of them. But this player, #70-Barnes-make note of that, is rumored to be the greatest player on the team. They beat the USO last week because of him. He targets quarterbacks specifically, so we need a detail on Rogers.”

“If he can get past Thor!” shouted Tony, and the entire locker room let out a cheer for Thor, to which the blond giant preened slightly but waved aside.

“My friends, he has as much a chance as anyone else.”

“So none!” Carol called out and the team hooted.

Hill looked distinctly unamused. “Don’t count him out. There’s a reason he’s called their Asset. Now, let’s review, then go kick some ass.”

Steve spent that time thinking about this Asset, wondering if he was good enough to take down Thor. It was a scary thought. 

As they took the field, Steve shook off his doubts and focused on getting his head in the game. Effectively, all he could think about was High School Musical, which he blamed on Tony, who religiously made them watch it at the beginning and end of each school year.

The home team-Shields-were out first and waited for the Hydras. It seemed like an overlong wait, and Steve saw that Hydras had an unusually large amount of supporters in the bleachers compared to other teams. They were cheering at random names, but almost everyone with a sign or chant had one name or number-#70, Barnes. Steve got an uneasy feeling again.

Then the Hydras took the field much like the NFL, specific players coming out alone. Like Brock Rumlow, Star wide receiver. Jack Rollins, defensive cornerback. 

Then, when most of the team had come out, the cheers from Hydra’s side changed. They were pounding their feet and chanting one thing. 

“WINTER!”

“SOLDIER!”

“WINTER!”

“SOLDIER!”

Sam turned to Steve with a puzzled expression. “Winter Soldier?” Steve just shrugged.

The player to come out was the last player, with a big red 70 on his jersey and coming out at a jog. He wasn’t the biggest Steve had ever seen, but was definitely solidly built. His helmet was on and he only lifted a hand to the crowd briefly, which still sent them wild. Then he joined his teammates, unable to entirely blend in.

It was all very theatrical, which was what they wanted, Steve realized. It was an intimidation factor.

The coin toss went in Shield’s favor, so they got to start offensively first. Steve, Sam, Thor, and the rest of the offensive took the field while Hydras’ defense stride on. Steve got into position behind Thor, and when he looked up he could see #70 straight across, crouching at the line of scrimmage.

“10!.....23!.....9!....hut hut!”

The crash of bodies sounded around Steve as he took the snap from Thor. He darted back, looking from someone open-there was Sam-and-

Crash

Steve was flat on his back before he knew it. The breath knocked out of him, he stared dazedly as he heard the whistle and his tackler stood. The number 70 gleamed in the sunlight as Barnes walked off. Sam helped Steve to his feet immediately.

“Dude, that was some hit, you ok?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah. Just still surprised.”

Sam looked about to flip his lid. “Man, he got through Thor!”

Steve nodded again, no words coming. Instead he went back to the line of scrimmage-wincing when he realized how much yardage they’d lost-and bent back down, preparing to fight back.

*********

Halftime came and went, with Hydras up 14-0. Bucky paid no attention to the rest of his team and simply rested his head against his knees, weariness overtaking him for a moment. His head was throbbing from being beaten into a cement wall, plus having to tackle the very stacked quarterback.

Cause that guy, he was built. Bucky was currently experiencing the new desire to climb him like a tree and ride him like a cowboy, cause that man was FINE.

Then flashes of what Brock had done and would do to him came to his mind and Bucky felt his balls disappear back into his body, the mere thought enough to turn him off for life. Then shame came to his mind and made his body heavy. It didn’t matter that Brock cheated on him right and left, Bucky refused to be that guy.

Besides, the dude was probably straight. And never would be interested in Buck. So...Bucky’s shoulders slumped further and he willed his headache to go away.

Across the field...

Steve had resorted to glaring across at the other team during halftime, feeling helpless even after Hill had gathered them all into an emergency strategy meeting. That was how he saw the defeated posture of #70, still with his helmet on, and wondered at it.

The guy’s team was winning. Winning, in fact, because of that guy. He had no right to just sit there looking like his whole world was collapsing.

Steve startled himself with that train of thought, then chastised himself sternly. The guy could be tired, or going through a rough time. Hell, he could even be feeling the effects of his own tackles. Steve sort of hoped he was, but mostly didn’t, cause those tackles had hurt. Steve found himself worrying that the other guy was secretly hurt and shook his head with a frustrated growl. He needed more sleep.

*********

They’d lost.

Steve stood frozen on the field as the buzzer sounded and the Hydras burst into raucous cheering, slapping each other’s backs and egging on their crowd, which was going wild.

35-0.

They’d gotten stopped at every turn. If the Shields’ defense hadn’t been as good as it was, Steve was positive they’d have lost even more embarrassingly. However, the blame on the loss could rest pretty largely on Barnes, who had tackled Steve more times in this game than he’d been tackled in four years of football. What was the dude on, steroids?

Steve wouldn’t be surprised. It was Hydras, after all. Rogue Science Divisional School was known for three things: their rigorous curriculum, their football team, and their dirty play in any and all areas.

Sam came up and slapped Steve on the back, jerking him out of his thoughts.

“Hey dude, you doing ok?”

Steve just shrugged, becoming aware that he hadn’t really moved and was staring at the still cheering Hydras. “Did they really just beat our asses six feet underground?”

“That they did.” Thor boomed, coming closer and joining the conversation. “Sensationally, I might add. I think they broke all their records by breaking all of ours. They successfully smashed us.” 

“Not helping.” Sam grumbled, but Thor wasn’t finished.

“I don’t think they could’ve done it though if it hadn’t been for Barnes. I have never seen you take that long to get up, Steve.” Steve groaned, Thor was great but he had no filter. “I should go congratulate him on such a magnificent game, he’s looking a bit left out.” And Thor was off.

He was right, Barnes was not celebrating with his teammates but was instead standing off to the side with his helmet still on, as still as a statue. Sam and Steve watched as Thor bounded up to him, making the linebacker jump about a foot in the air and shrink back before holding his ground. They couldn’t hear anything that was going on, but they could tell that Thor was waving his arms like he did whenever he was enthusiastically talking and that Barnes was just letting him talk. The linebacker’s stance relaxed fractionally, then stiffened when a Hydra player stormed over and grabbed him by the arm. Thor and the newcomer appeared to have a heated exchange before the two Hydra players moved off, Barnes just simply allowing the other to pull him away.

Thor came over with a scowl. “I don’t like that guy.”

“Yes, Barnes seemed very invested and insulting.” Sam said drily. 

“Not him, the other guy. Rumlow, or something. Came over and snarled at me to get away from his boyfriend.”

Sam snorted. “That fits. Pretty on par with Hydras and their lot.”

“Except Barnes.” Steve saw Thor’s forehead wrinkle a little, the light in his ice blue eyes dim in worry. “He was frightened.”

Steve thought back to the interaction he’d watched. It did look odd. But it was none of his business, and the team needed cheering up. Pushing the voice that sounded terrifically like his mother to the back of his head, he headed off field.

*********

Bucky was slammed into the nearest wall as soon as he set foot in Brock’s home. Muscles already sore from the game and work, he whimpered as Brock stood over him, pinning him to the wall with a hand to his throat.

“You’ve been a bad boy again, Jamie. Why do you have to keep misbehaving, Jamie? You know I hate hurting ya.” Bullshit, Bucky thought hysterically. Apparently thought out loud, for he was backhanded across his already bruised cheek. “You worthless little slut. Flirting with that bitch all the time, now those players from SSR? You need to be put in your place, whore. Do you understand?”

Bucky let out a weak sound that was almost a sob. “B-Brock, he was just congratulating me. A-and Nat, s-she’s just m-my friend-“ Bucky bit clear through his lip as his head was smashed back against the wall. The blood flooding down his face barely registered, but Brock smirked.

“That’s what you get for back talking, filth. Now get on the floor, hands and knees. You just provided your own lube.” With a nasty smile, Brock swiped at the river of blood trailing down Bucky’s face and threw the smaller boy to the ground. “Strip.”

Trembling, Bucky did as he was told, trying not to cry at the amount of blood he saw. His lip hurt so badly it was blinding and Bucky whimpered as tears fell anyway.

He was turned roughly onto his hands and knees, Brock’s hand pressing something wet against his hole-blood. Bucky tried to keep his noises down, but when he was so deeply terrified as he was now, some cylinders weren’t firing properly.

A door opened and Coach Pierce-Brock’s stepfather-stepped into the entry way. Bucky watched as Coach Pierce surveyed the scene in front of him, then addressed Brock.

“If he gets blood everywhere, you’re responsible for it. I’ll be in my study if you need me. You can’t keep him the night, we have a busy day tomorrow.”

“K, dad.” Brock lined up behind him and pushed into Bucky, who was not prepped at all and whose only way of soothing the way was his own blood, which did nothing. Bucky screamed in pain, feeling himself tear again. Pierce left the room as Brock began fucking him roughly, cock pounding in and out of Bucky’s body.

Dizzy with pain and fear, Bucky took it the best he could, praying to a God he was sure was out there somewhere that this would stop.

No, he reminded himself. It’s no one’s fault but my own. I deserve this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one deserves to be raped! I’ll just say that right now. Bucky is experiencing victim guilt and blame, but no one including Bucky deserves this.  
> Comments and kudos make my day! <3  
> P.S. it will get better


	3. Explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prologue, how they got started

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky’s part is noticeably longer, but that’s because I had less to explain about Steve.

Before we go any further, let’s explain how our characters have gotten to this point in our story.

Steven Grant Rogers was born July 4th, in Brooklyn New York, to Sarah and Joseph Rogers, both loving parents. Joseph was killed overseas when Steve was a baby, so Sarah had raised him on her own, working night shifts at the hospital.  
Steve had had a happy childhood, really. His best friend from first grade was Sam Wilson and he was always fairly popular in his older years. He’d had many health problems as a child, but most had straightened themselves by the time he reached Junior High.

In eighth grade, two important things happened to Steve. He joined the football team, and he met Peggy Carter, the most popular girl in their grade. Inexplicably to him, she’d taken an interest in Steve and they’d become friends. Steve had had a massive crush on her from day one, and finally asked her nervously to the school dance that year. She had said yes, and they had dated ever since, losing their virginities to each other in their early sophomore year. Just before high school, Steve had reached a big growth spurt and had made friends with his teammates, making himself among the most popular guys in the school.

Everything was fine until the second semester of sophomore year. Peggy had broken up with Steve, saying that she wanted to have some freedom. In two months, she’d come back begging for another chance. Steve, still in love with her, granted it.

Which would’ve been alright once. But since then, every couple months like clockwork, this kept happening. And though Steve was pretty sure he still loved her, it was draining him.

Apart from his Peggy situation, life went pretty well for Steve Rogers. He’d gotten accepted to NYU, he was a star quarterback on his team, he was getting stellar grades in his senior year, and he had an endless support system. While he identified as straight, he still endlessly supported all his LGBTQ+ friends, and was even better loved for it.

So yeah, Steve’s life wasn’t perfect. But it was pretty good, and Steve knew he was lucky.

***********

James Buchanan Barnes had been born on March 10th, in Brooklyn New York, to George and Winnifred Barnes. At the age of two, his father had left the family to move in with his boyfriend and Bucky had never heard from him again. From then on, Winnifred Barnes had raised her child alone.

Well...till he hit the age of seven and started going to school. There’d never been much food on the table to begin with and Bucky had had to make due on clothes that were practically worn out on him. But on his first day of school, having taken the bus home, he’d walked in the door to his mom doing...something, with a guy. Not knowing what his mom was doing, and hungry since there’d been no breakfast that morning, Bucky had gone to the kitchen to get himself some food and had found nothing. Absolutely nothing. He’d gone to bed that night with his mother passed out on the couch, not fed at all and confused.

And that was how, at the age of seven, Bucky learned many lessons. How to dumpster dive, how to very convincingly lie, how to dodge a punch-the men his mom was always with hadn’t liked him hanging around-, and what sex was. He had learned how to survive on a tiny amount of food and how to beg. He’d also learned how to run away from the cops.

The only thing his mother did was make sure he went to school, since it got him out of the house. When he was thirteen, his mother had sent him to Rogue Science Divisional School on a teacher’s recommendation. Less than a year in, Bucky had gone looking for his first real job to be able to pay for his own schooling, as his mother had decided to stop. Now, at the age of 17, Bucky worked three jobs and did odd jobs on the side, barely able to keep himself in school and often still having to search the trash for food.

Bucky had first been sexually assaulted when he was ten years old, when one of his mother’s boyfriends had made him give the man a blowjob. His mother had been passed out drunk, but when Bucky came to her later to talk about it, she’d told him to go away and leave her be.

That wasn’t the last time it happened either, until Bucky learned how to run away, or not come home until he knew they’d be passed out drunk. He was still a virgin entering high school and when he joined the football team, and wasn’t sure about losing it because he’d seen too much ugly sex.

His first day on the team, he’d met Brock, the handsome, popular guy his age who’d seemed to take an interest in Bucky. He’d take time to talk and work out together, and Bucky thought that for once, he’d found a friend. Along the same time, he made friends with Natasha and some classmates and he liked it, a sense of normalcy in his life.

Halfway through sophomore year, Brock had asked him out. Bucky had realized he was gay earlier that year, but had had more sense than to tell his mom, who to this day still doesn’t know. Flattered by Brock’s attention, he’d said yes.  
Brock’s nice act kept up for three more dates after that, except that he’d pressured Bucky to have sex with him. Bucky wasn’t ready, and had told him so. Other than mentioning it a lot, Brock had seemed to give up.

Then around the fifth date, when they were hanging in Brock’s bedroom, Brock had asked Bucky to please give him a blowjob, that it was the normal thing to do around this time. Still uncomfortable, but trying to impress his now boyfriend and tired of hearing of it, Bucky had agreed. He’d done it before, even if not willingly, so this wasn’t exactly new.  
As Bucky had gotten to his knees, Brock had asked if this was his first blowjob. Wanting honesty, Bucky had said no. Which later Bucky would regard as one of the greatest mistakes in his life.  
Brock had snarled out something that sounded a lot like whore, and then he snapped, “So you’ve just been teasing me all this time, huh?”

Bucky had protested, trying to tell him that it hadn’t been his choice, when he felt his hair be grabbed roughly and saw Brock take out his cock. Terrified now, Bucky asked him to stop, saying that he wasn’t ready after all. Brock had simply pushed his cock past Bucky’s lips and used his grip on his hair to fuck into the other boy’s mouth.

Tears had streamed down Bucky’s face as he was forcibly deep throated. Unable to breathe, Bucky had nearly let out a sob of relief when Brock had pulled back, before he realized what was happening. He was flipped onto his stomach and pressed to the ground. His pants were pulled down around his knees and Brock rubbed at his hole roughly before growling in his ears,  
“You’re such a filthy whore, look at you, you’re loving it!” Bucky’s face flooded with shame when he realized he was getting hard. “Guess I’m gonna have to fix that.”

Brock had taken him dry, with absolutely no prep or lube. Bucky’s virgin asshole had torn badly and the blood eventually made the way smoother. He’d cried and wailed throughout the whole thing, begging Brock to stop, which he hadn’t. Once Brock had emptied himself inside Bucky, Bucky had scrambled to dress himself and leave, Brock not stopping him. 

He’d run to Natasha’s and had sobbed in her arms. Nat had held him close and told him never to go near Brock again, to never be alone with him. Bucky had gone to school the next day quivering with fear at the thought of it. He had been called to the coach’s office and Pierce, Brock’s stepfather had sat him down. He’d calmly set photos in front of Bucky, which were from a security camera in Brock’s room from the night before. Pierce had outlined it clearly.

If Bucky broke up with Brock, or reported this, these photos would be leaked online, be sent to his homophobic mother, and sent to the principal, who would kick him out of the school. He would also be kicked off the team, which would completely ruin his future. Faced with the embarrassment of the night before, and fear for everything else, Bucky had shakily agreed.

Almost two years later, he was in the same horrible relationship, with the same things happening nearly everyday, and he was on a struggle just to survive. Bucky had lost all hope.


	4. Thor and the Dora Milaje

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky receives help from a good friend, and Steve stops by the Dora Milaje. Thor is an observant sweetheart, and everyone else has their quirks.

When Bucky was released from Brock’s home-read: thrown out on the doorstep completely naked at 2 am-he had wasted no time stumbling away, dizzy from blood loss and hunger. He’d only managed to get his pants on, which had been thrown out behind him, and so was stumbling around shirtless and with his shoes on the wrong feet in the brisk fall air. 

Where could he go? Natasha’s home was too far away to walk to, and he wasn’t steady enough to try. He desperately tried to think of another option and soon enough, it came to him. But he’d have to move fast.

Doing a stumbling trot, he left the wealthy section of Brooklyn and headed for one of the poorer sections, keeping to back streets. He eventually arrived in a back alley between condemned buildings, where trash and other filth was littered everywhere. Too weak to go any further, Bucky slumped to his knees with a desperate sob.

He had no idea how long he was kneeling there, but he could hear the shadows whispering to each other. He wasn’t safe out here, but he could go no further. He’d felt sure that his friend would be here, but so far-

“Buck!” The sound of his name had never made Bucky more relieved. He bit out a pained sound as he felt someone’s arms around him, lifting him gently. “I know, sweetie, I know. Let’s get you inside, Al will be glad to see you. Oh that lip looks nasty honey, we’ll get you fixed up. Help me out, Buck, just one foot in front of the other, there you go.”

Bucky did his best to follow the directions, slumped against his friend’s body. Before he knew it, they were entering one of the condemned buildings, descending the creaky stairs to a nice, cool basement.

“Al! Got someone for you, they’re hurt real bad!”

“God damnit you loud boy, I was tryna sleep-! I smell the blood, who’s hurt?”

“It’s Buck, Al. He’s bitten through his lip, he’s in a ton of pain. I think he’s lost a lot of blood too. He’s barely able to stand on his own.”

“That horrible boy again, you can bet he did this. Put the dear down on the table, we’ll get him as right as rain. Is his lip still attached?”

“Yeah, he mainly bit through near his chin. He’s got cuts all the way though.”

“Horrible. Where’d you put the thread, boy? Help a blind woman out her-“

Bucky blacked out then, merciful darkness swallowing him whole.

*********

Bucky stirred feebly and opened his eyes, looking around at his dim surroundings. It took him a moment to realize where he was, but then his light was blocked.

“Buck!” Wade looked delighted. “You’re awake, thank God. Gave us a right scare.”

“Wade.” Bucky had rarely felt happier to see someone in his whole life. “Thanks buddy. You stitch me up?”

“Nah, Al did. I still don’t know much about stitching. I just guided her hands. Don’t move too much though, we still have you hooked up to some blood. You lost a surprising amount. What happened anyway?”

“Brock,” Bucky mumbled out as he looked at the IV in his arm, then back up at Wade, who squeezed his other arm gently.

“We-I-cleaned you up a bit other places. You weren’t in good shape. And your pants were stained, so-“ Wade shrugged helplessly. Bucky still felt embarrassed, even if this was hardly the first time.

“Thank you. I’m sorry.”

“Never be sorry, sweetie. Not your fault.” Wade looked at him in concern. “Want to tell me what happened?”

Bucky shrugged. “What always happens? Nothing new.” He grimaced. Talking hurt, and his head and ass were throbbing.

Wade squeezed his arm gently. “Let me get you some food. Al’s asleep right now, but she left instructions for care. You rest, ok?”

Bucky nodded. “What time is it?”

“6:00 in the morning.”

Bucky sat up with a gasp, then whimpered at the bolts of pain that shot through him. “Saturday?! I have work...I’m gonna lose my job...I have to go-“

“You’re not going anywhere.” Wade declared. “You won’t make it past the door. If you lose this job, Al and I’ll help you find another, but you can’t. At most, I can promise you’ll be back in tomorrow. Ramonda will understand, at least.”

Bucky slumped back against the bed and nodded in defeat. “Ok.”

Wade smiled wearily. “Good. I’m gonna get you some food.”

When Wade had left, Bucky ran a hand over his eyes and resolved not to cry. He was safe for now, Al and Wade would take care of him. He probably wouldn’t have to see Brock until Monday. He’d be ok. Ramonda would understand, so he’d at least have one of three jobs secured. He rarely missed time for the others, so maybe his bosses’ would take it easy on him.

Filled with uneasy thoughts and unexplained fears, Bucky simply lay there and thought about his life. And wasn’t that a depressing subject.

*********

Sunday morning dawned bright and early. Steve liked Sundays. It was a day to relax and spend time with people you loved. In the mornings, he and his mother would go to church. Then for lunch, he met up with his friend group and they went out to eat at some random diner or another. They’d almost always wind up going to a movie or event afterwards, then Steve would go home and finish his homework, probably playing some video games afterwards.

It was a constant in a sea of change, and Steve was grateful for that. And on this fine Sunday, when he and his friends were trying to figure out where to go, Steve took a moment to capture it in his mind. Memories were precious.

“We’ve gone to all those places before! I feel like something new.” Tony pouted.

“How about The Dora Milaje? We still haven’t gone there. T’Challa’s been bugging us for ages about it.” Thor suggested.

They decided that sounded like a good idea, having wanted to try the new diner in downtown for a long time. In order to do that, they caught the subway and headed down. It wasn’t too crowded fortunately, and people switched in and out frequently. Steve’s crowd, which consisted of himself, Sam, Tony, Thor, Carol, Clint, and Bruce, chatted amiably among each other.

Halfway through their line of stops, the doors opened to admit one person, a bruised and beaten looking boy with stitches underneath his lower lip, who crept onto the subway like he was afraid of being kicked off. He glanced absently around him and shied away from the big group of football players, hiding in the furthest corner.

Steve frowned, looking the boy up and down. His clothes were disheveled, and bruises and cuts littered his face. His lip looked nasty, with stitching that didn’t quite make the professional level-Steve had had enough injuries in his time to know. Something about his stance seemed familiar. Not so much the defeat in his body, but the stillness. The tension, the silence. It bothered Steve in a way he didn’t know what to make of.

Steve tore his eyes away from the boy to tune back into his friends, but his mind didn’t quite leave the boy.

They reached their stop, and got ready to offload. The boy moved forward too, hands stuffed in his pockets and head down. He kept to the very outskirts of the football team. 

Suddenly, the train jolted roughly, sending everyone a little off balance and the boy crashing straight into Steve.

Steve caught him just as the boy let out a whimper of pain. His hands fastened around the boy’s arms-which were really very muscular for a boy with such a shrunken posture-and he steadied him.

“Hey dude, you ok?”

The boy looked up at him and Steve paused in the stare of ice blue eyes. Then he realized that the boy was holding himself gingerly and slowly released him.

“Yeah. Thanks.” The boy stepped back, then quickly stepped through the doors when they opened. Steve’s group followed, but Steve didn’t anticipate anything more to happen until Thor exclaimed,

“Hey! I know you!” Steve saw the boy tense and stop slowly, but Thor kept going. “You’re Barnes, aren’t you? From the Hydras?”

The boy turned around slowly, and Steve realized that Thor was right. Steve had never seen the dude’s face, but now he knew why the stance was familiar. The boy-Barnes-hugged his arms around himself. “Yeah. Yeah that’s me.”

Thor cackled with practical glee. “Dude! Your game is super impressive! You did look bigger on the field though.” Thor looked at him in speculation.

Barnes’ lip twitched in what might have passed as a smile. “I’d had a big breakfast.”

“Who knew! Stalwart silence has a sense of humor. Hey, we’re heading for lunch, want to join?”

The entirety of the Shields that were present turned on Thor with something close to alarm, but Barnes shook his head. “No thank you. I don’t much think you guys want me there. Plus, I have work.” His eyes widened. “Shit, work.” Without even a goodbye, he broke into a limping trot and moved away quickly.

Tony turned on Thor immediately. “You invited him with us?? That guy’s a Hydra!”

Thor scowled. “Does it even matter? We’re high schoolers, not soldiers or something. Besides, I think the guy could use a friend.”

“Hydras belong to a pack! The entire school, not just the football team. I think he’s got plenty of people.” Tony scoffed.

Thor opened his mouth to argue, but Carol cut in. “Guys I’m starving. Can we at least get food right now?”

Everyone agreed and they strolled through the streets until they reached their destination, The Dora Milaje. It was a fairly large diner, with warm bright colors and African culture decorating the exterior and interior. Steve’s group was put up at the counter, since no tables big enough for their group were available. The woman behind the counter looked up as they sat and frowned.

“Oh-welcome to The Dora Milaje.” The woman fidgeted before asking, “I’m so sorry, I’ve had a super long shift. Do you mind waiting a moment for the next shift to take over? He literally walked in just before you, he’ll be here soon.”

“Not a problem.” Sam smiled at her, and the woman smiled. 

“Thank you so much. I’m Nakia by the way, I hope to see you guys again.” With that, the girl vanished from behind the counter and hurried off.

Barely five minutes had passed before someone else came to stand behind the counter. “Hi, welcome to The Dora Milaje. My name is Bucky, what can I get for you?”

Steve’s head shot up. His suspicions about the voice were confirmed. Barnes stood in front of them, looking equally as surprised and maybe a tad more uncomfortable.

“Barnes!” Thor boomed loudly, saving anyone else from having to talk immediately. “We meet again! It’s marvelous that you work here, really. We’ve been wanting to come for ages-friend of ours, T’Challa, his mother owns this place. Small world, isn’t it?”

Barnes-Bucky, he’d called himself-looked awkwardly down at his notepad as he answered. “Yeah, um, I know T’Challa. And Shuri, his sister.”

“Nice family aren’t they? So how come you work here, I thought it was just a family business?” Thor was going all out for this conversation that Barnes was obviously reluctant to partake in, but Bucky actually spared him a cautious looking glance.

“It is technically. They needed a little more help, I needed another job, Okoye-the manager-was kind enough to take me on. Technically speaking, Nakia isn’t family either, but she’s a close family friend.”

“Ah, Nakia. She doing alright? She sounded rather frazzled.”

“She’s just tired, I apologize about that. It’s just that she had to take both of my shifts yesterday and refused to reject her own today, so she was very much in need of going home.” Bucky’s shoulders were relaxing inch by inch. 

“Yes yes, nice girl. You work here long?”

“About a month, maybe two by now.” Bucky glanced behind himself at the kitchen. “What can I get you guys to start? Beverages?”

Steve thought over the entire exchange as they started ordering. Thor was loud and exuberant, but he was also sensitive and caring. He was making a effort to reach this kid, and Steve could definitely say it was needed. He looked about ready to flee from his own skin. Maybe his home life was bad or something. Many sitting with him knew what that was like. That could well be it. 

When it came his turn, he ordered a Diet Coke, which Bucky wrote down and bit his lip, then flinched from what must’ve been obvious pain. He mumbled just audibly enough, “I’ll just go get your drinks,” before he moved off. 

The rest of the team was now talking with each other in ease. Except for two others, Sam and Thor. Thor was staring after Bucky thoughtfully and Sam was doing the same.

Steve nudged Sam. “What’s with you?”

“There’s something strange with that guy.” Sam frowned. “Something’s not right.”

“I noticed. Bad home life, ya think?” Steve honestly couldn’t think what else it could be. Tony had a dickhead for a father and had endured some abuse and neglect at his hands in early years. Clint’s father was horribly abusive. Bruce’s parents were dismissive of any troubles except their own.

Sam shrugged. “Maybe. Wonder if that’s why he looks like he got run over?”

“No.” Thor’s deep rumble happened on the other side of Sam. He must’ve been listening in. “No, he does not have the guarded look of Anthony or the walls that Clint has. No, he’s a Loki.”

Loki was Thor’s adopted brother, who was a prankster to an almost dangerous level and always seemed too cynical for the world despite his fifteen years. Steve could see no resemblance. And Thor’s parents were great. “Loki?”

Thor seemed to backtrack mentally and shot them a brief smile. “Never mind.”

“You know Loki?” A new voice, a female’s voice, said from behind them. The entire group turned. A girl about their ages stood there, decked in black leather and red hair curling attractively around her face. She was extremely beautiful.

“Why yes, Loki’s my brother.”

The girl nodded slowly. “So you’re Thor.”

“Yes. Who might you be, how do you know Loki?”

The girl completely blew off the first question. “Mutual friend.” With that, she walked up to the counter and waved away Thor’s offer of a seat. “Thank you, no, I’m just waiting for-Ah.”

Bucky walked up just then and started handing out drinks. “Here you go, sorry for the wait. What can I get you guys to eat?”

“Excuse me, one moment. Buck?”

Bucky turned and saw the red haired girl. “Nat?”

“I brought those clothes, please tell me you’re not wearing Wade’s.”

“Didn’t exactly have some of mine. We’re not too busy, could you drop them in the far left booth? I’ll get them, or maybe I can persuade Shuri to grab them.”

“Sure thing.” The girl disappeared, then reappeared as Bucky was taking orders. As soon as she saw him finish one, she called, “Ал сделал хорошую работу. Зайдите позже.”

“Ok!” Bucky called back, before turning to Steve. “Your order?”

Steve ordered the stuffed French toast and a side of sausage. It was a cheat day for all of them, they’d work it off tomorrow. As soon as everyone else had ordered, Bucky disappeared into the kitchen.

Steve didn’t see Bucky again after that except for when he and T’Challa-who had greeted them with a gentle smile and a hearty greeting-brought out the food. After that, T’Challa took over behind the counter while the Hydra player hurried off elsewhere.

The other boy did stay on Steve’s mind though. He had loyalties to his team, sure, but that didn’t stop him from being concerned that the other boy was in a bad situation. He wasn’t sure what to do with no proof, so he simply put it out of his head for the moment. No use mulling over it now.

Except when they were getting ready to leave, Steve caught sight of Bucky scrubbing down tables. Suddenly, the boy stopped and a pained expression came across his face as he wrapped an arm around his middle.

Steve and his crew bustled out the door before Steve could do anything, but it stayed on his mind the whole way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there’s Wade! He was a last minute throw in, but I’m glad I did.
> 
> This was a hard chapter to write, so I hope you enjoyed! Comments and kudos make me smile!!


	5. Bravery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically, a shit ton of pain is only just starting. Bucky is brave and he hurts for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So warning! Excessive homophobia and lots of use of the word faggot/fag at the end of this chapter.
> 
> This is only the beginning of a lot of hurt. But I promise, good things will happen.

Bucky went to Nat’s after his shift was over. He had barely even knocked before she opened the door.

“Дорогая. Войдите.”  _Sweetheart. Come in._

Bucky followed her inside the house, where Nat lived with her adopted father. Bucky had rarely seen Mr Fury, but when he had he’d always felt like the man could see straight through him.

“Something to eat, soldat?”

Bucky was afraid that he’d nodded too quickly, so he swallowed before he answered, “Yes please.”

Nat looked at him knowingly as she led the way into the kitchen, sitting him down and taking out sandwich fixings. She made a large stack of ham and cheese sandwiches, which Bucky devoured more than half of. She fussed around him like a mother hen, pouring him juice and water, making sure that he had enough to eat. When they’d both finished eating, Natasha took out a gallon of cherry fudge ice cream and Bucky grabbed two spoons. They then moved to the living room, where Nat threw on the third Harry Potter, which she’d been trying to catch him up on.

The movie became background noise quickly, as the two friends sat facing each other. Nat reached forward and placed her hands on both of his cheeks. A gentle finger traced the stitches.

“I was so worried, when you called me from Wade’s.”

Bucky shrugged, trying to keep casual. “It’s ok, Nat. It’ll heal. I might always have a scar there, but it’ll heal.”

Natasha removed her hands, but only to place one on his head and the other on his chest. “And how about the damage in here, Yasha? In your brain, and your heart. Will that heal as easily?”

Bucky valiantly tried to stop his emotions welling up by shoving another spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. When he’d swallowed, he mumbled, “It’s not that important.”

“On the contrary, it’s the most important thing. Your heart is hurting, Bucky. It’s etched all over your face. I can feel it beneath my fingers.”

Bucky tried to stop his lip from trembling, but failed. “I don’t want to go back, Nat. I really don’t want to go back.” A sob tore itself from his lips.

Natasha placed the ice cream next to them and took Bucky into her arms, rocking him gently. “It’s alright, sweetie. Let it out.”

And that was how Bucky spent the next half hour, crying in his only and best friend’s arms. And Natasha held him, running her hands through his hair.

Even when he’d stopped crying, he stayed in her arms for a little longer, touch starved and desperate for a loving hand. His thoughts swum around his head. Finally he whispered, “I’m gonna do it.”

Nat brought his head up to look at her gently. “Do what-exactly?”

“I’m gonna not give into him. I’m not going back there. I’m ending it.”

Natasha’s expression was unreadable. “Bucky, моё сердце, мой свет, моя другая половина,”  _my heart, my light, my other half_ ,  “Though I love to hear you say it, are you sure? You know that whatever they do won’t be good.”

Bucky shuddered and mumbled, “I know. I can’t do this anymore, Nat. I can’t keep getting hurt, and-and feeling ashamed of myself. I want someone who loves me, not someone who’d strike me down without a second thought. I can’t-I just can’t...”

“I know, soldat.” Nat stroked his hair absentmindedly. “I’m just worried, I suppose. But I think, sweetheart, no matter what you do, that you’re incredibly brave.”

“Really?” His voice sounded so small.

“Really.”

Bucky blinked back tears again. “I don’t feel brave. If I was brave, I would’ve left long ago. I never would’ve put myself in the position. I could’ve been stronger-“

“Hush.” Nat interrupted, placing a finger against his lips. “Do not blame yourself, Bucky. None of this is your fault. You’re brave because you’re still alive and you haven’t given up. You’re brave because you’re doing this now.”

Bucky tried not to cry again, and largely succeeded even though his lip trembled slightly. “Thanks for always being my friend, Nat.”

Nat smiled and handed him the ice cream again. “Yasha, sweetheart, I’d never change that.”

Bucky felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He and Nat looked at each other, both knowing the one person who had his number. He took it out and looked at the message.

Brock: **bring your ass over here tonight dont fucking be late**

Bucky felt like he couldn’t breathe, his hands trembling as he typed out with one finger,

Bucky: **Fuck off we’re done**

He hit send and then collapsed against the couch, trembling. Natasha moved over to rub his back gently and took the phone, reading both texts. Then she hugged Bucky.

“Bucky, мой храбрый храбрый солдат,”  _my brave brave soldier_ ,  “I’m so proud of you. That must’ve been so hard, дорогая, you’re so brave. So brave.”

Bucky wasn’t even crying. He was trembling in her arms, and his fingers opened and closed against her back anxiously. “Oh my God he’s going to kill me. He’s going to kill me, oh God. Nat, what did I just do?”

Nat gently ran her hand through his hair. “You did something that was very brave, and we can arrange it so that you’re never alone with him. I’ll be with you all throughout school. We’ll make it so you don’t have to go in the locker rooms with him.”

“He knows where I live.”

“I’ll ask if you can stay here. It’s just a few more months before we’re out of here sweetheart. We can make this work somehow.” She really hoped they could. Because she was out of options.

The phone was buzzing, over and over again. Natasha glanced at it. 10 missed calls and 25 unread texts. Bucky flinched as it started buzzing again and Natasha stood, grabbing the ice cream container from nearby-long forgotten and the half inch left completely melted-and dropping the phone in it. The phone  stopped buzzing as the liquid penetrated its cracks. 

She then set it aside and sat next to Bucky, rubbing his shoulder gently. “There, better right?”

Bucky nodded slowly. He said in a soft voice, “I’m sorry.”

Natasha pulled back a little to look at him. “Whatever for?”

“Not being the strong one. Always glooming our get togethers. I can’t ever seem to hold it together. I’m a mess. I’m such a fucking mess.” Bucky was still visibly trying to hold himself together, and Natasha pulled him back into a hug.

“Don’t ever be sorry for something like that, Bucky. You are hurt, and until you recover from your hurt, I’d be more worried if you acted like everything was alright.”

Bucky nodded against her shoulder and mumbled, “I guess.”

**********

It was night before Bucky headed home. Natasha and he had spent the last few hours binge watching movies and finding more ice cream to eat. For once, he was both full and a little happy. He’d done it. He’d freed himself. And yeah, it wouldn’t be easy. But he’d manage somehow.

He’d gotten as far as his front door before it flew open, nearly hitting him. His mother stood there. Faint with malnutrition and addiction, her eyes-an icy blue like his-snapped with rage. She held something in her hand-papery maybe?-and held a bottle in her other hand. She was shaking, and from the expression on her face it wasn’t from the cold.

Bucky stepped back a little. “Mom?”

“Don’t you dare disgrace me with that name! I didn’t raise a faggot!”

Bucky’s entire world crashed down around him. “W-What?”

She threw whatever papery thing she held in her hand at his chest, and he caught it. His breath hitched as he looked through it under the light of the streetlights. They were security camera photos of Brock raping him. And it was easy to tell how much time had passed between some of these photos.

Bucky stared down at his own face, which had any expression from fear to tears. But never did he once look like he wanted to be there. Could she not see that? “Mom...I didn’t want to do any of this.”

“What, be a fag or have fag sex? Cause guess what you bitch, you’re doing both in those pictures!”

“Mom...”

“Don’t you fucking call me that!”

“Where in these photos does it look like I’m enjoying myself!” He shouted back.

“Do you think I care if you got your rocks off on it or not! You’re a fag!”

“They made me! I never wanted it!”

“Are you or are you not a faggot!”

There was a dead silence then. Bucky couldn’t bring himself to deny it. Even if he had, he was sure the truth was written on his face. “I-I-“

His mother stepped closer. She reeked of alcohol. “Your daddy was a fag too. I knew his brat would be just like him. I was right, you’re a slut. You’re a fucking whore and that there is the evidence to prove it.” She turned a shaking finger to the photos. She snorted. “Such a dirty whore.”

Bucky felt as though he couldn’t breathe, his lungs contracting with every attempt. But as she turned to slam the door, he hissed at her, “Takes one to know one.”

He only registered her storming back towards him. The next thing he knew, a splitting pain shot through his head. Then blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know.......I’m so sorry.
> 
> Also, sorry if this has a weird rhythm to it. Writers block is horrible.


	6. fragile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky deserves every good thing. Our boys have a soft but sad moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah....it’s totally not been six months since I last updated... *runs away*
> 
> Hello everyone! Sorry for the wait, I reached a block with this story and got wrapped up in other projects. Thank you for all the amazing people who have subscribed to this and waited patiently, you guys are why I got this out.
> 
> We’re nowhere near out of the woods yet.

Bucky woke up shivering, still stretched across the step to his...now former...home. In this neighborhood, he was quite lucky to have been left alone through the night. It was probably close to dawn already.

Bucky trembled as he sat up, hand going to investigate the back of his head. She must have smashed him with a bottle, as there was glass in the wound. That would explain his raging headache as well.

Where was he supposed to go? Bucky felt his whole world come crumbling down around him as he sat. His mother had kicked him out. Brock and Pierce would deal with him the moment he set foot in school. Natasha...

He couldn’t impose on her life anymore. She’d already given up a great deal of her reputation just for him. They were seniors, she should be out with friends and having fun before college. Not weighed down by him.

Wade and Al? Maybe he could crash there. He didn’t like the thought of imposing though. They ran a business-though maybe not exactly legal-that was fairly busy. Maybe he could help them? He couldn’t even help himself.

Bucky pulled himself away from the doorstep of his old home, stumbling as he got to his feet. He didn’t know where he was going, other than he was going away from there. He was cold, hungry, concussed, and tired. Few people gave a shit about what happened to him, and those that did would be far better off without him. 

So really, did it matter where he was going?

******  
Steve slipped out of his house quietly, not wanting to wake his mother. He was heading into school early with the hopes of using the track field. Running was a great enjoyment of Steve’s, and the tracks were truly the best place to get that kind of workout.

He hadn’t slept well the night before, two people warring for a spot in his brain. Peggy was one. He couldn’t stop thinking about how done he was with the whole scenario. She was a great girl, but he was being used. He was there by her side only when she thought she needed him. And that wasn’t fair to him. It was time to finally call it quits.

The other was Bucky Barnes, the linebacker for Hydra. Ever since yesterday, in the diner, the boy hadn’t left his thoughts. His eyes were wild, always avoiding exact eye contact and constantly darting around the room. His face looked like someone had used him as a punch bag. No matter who the boy was, it was painfully obvious that he was in a bad situation.

No matter who the boy was. Geesh, what kind of sentence was that? As Thor had so wisely pointed out, they were high schoolers. Sure, the Hydras and their school were their rivals. But when did that start determining the worth and humanity of someone?

Steve was so deep in his thoughts that he almost missed the figure walking along the side of the road. They were lit only by the dim sunlight just rising and the shine of Steve’s headlights. By the way they were walking-swaying from side to side-they were either drunk or severely injured.

Steve had been taught better than to stop for a stranger. But as he moved to pass the guy, he realized that it wasn’t really a stranger. Either Barnes had a twin brother-and who knows, Steve didn’t know anything about the guy-or Barnes had had either a fantastic night or a horrible one. Judging by what looked like blood on his head, the latter option was more likely.

Steve stopped the car before he thought better of it and jumped out, intercepting the linebacker. The boy-and yes, they were probably the same age but he looked so young-jumped almost a foot in the air. Panic etched every line in his tired face and he cowered from Steve in a stellar imitation of a beaten dog. The quarterback’s heart broke just a little at the sight.

“Hey hey, it’s just me.” Steve wasn’t sure how reassuring that was to a guy who barely even knew him, but the boy did relax a tiny fraction. “Do you remember me?” He needed to know if the guy even recognized him. They’d only met twice.

Bright blue eyes glanced up at him briefly, then dropped to the pavement beneath them again. “You’re the quarterback.” He said softly.

That was a good start. “Yeah, for the Shields. I’m Steve.” The other gave a tiny nod, glancing up briefly again and saying something that Steve could barely hear. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

“I’m Bucky.” came the slightly louder whisper. And yes, Steve had known that from the diner, but he felt as if now he’d been given permission to use that name for real.

“Bucky, ok.” Steve’s attention was drawn to the matted blood on the top of Bucky’s head. Was that glass? “You’re injured. Can I take you to the hospital?”

Bucky shrank away from him again, looking terrified. “No.”

“You sure? That looks nasty.” Steve had to backtrack immediately when he saw the telltale signs of someone about to bolt. “Ok, no hospital. Can I take you home?” He wanted to slap himself; home was probably where the injury was from. This was confirmed by panic and fear in Bucky’s eyes. “Not home, ok. Can I take you somewhere, at least? This isn’t safe.”

Bucky was silent for a long while, but at least he wasn’t bolting. His arms were wrapped around himself and he was shivering. Steve opened the passenger door and grabbed the jacket he’d thrown in earlier, offering it to the other. The boy looked at him in bewilderment until Steve practically shoved it into his hands. Then his eyes welled up and he touched the jacket like he was afraid of damaging it. 

Steve really wanted to find whoever had broken this guy down and beat them to the same bloody, frightened pulp that they’d reduced Bucky to. He looked like he’d barely known a kind gesture in his entire life. Maybe he hadn’t.

Steve remembered the girl who had come into the diner, the girl Bucky had seemed friendly with. “What about your friend from the diner? The red haired girl.” He couldn’t leave Bucky and he was scrambling for a good option.

Bucky clutched the jacket close as he shook his head slightly. “No.” But that option didn’t seem to give him fear, which was something. A little fear came into his eyes as he thought through something in his head. He swallowed roughly. “She’ll be at school. Can you take me there?”

Steve wasn’t sure about dropping Bucky off in a place that made his voice quiver. But he figured it was at least somewhere that wasn’t the street. “Yeah. I can take you there.” He hesitated before asking, “I have a first aid kit in the car. Can I at least clean that wound for you?” All of his friends and he had first aid kits in their cars. Between practices, activities, and adventures, it wound up just making sense to carry some safety measure around with them.

Bucky looked up at him, still with a ducked head, for a long moment. There was something warring behind those beautiful blue eyes. And-hold up. Had he just called the other guy’s eyes beautiful in his mind? Steve shrugged it off. They were a lovely color. Nothing wrong with seeing that.

Finally, Bucky whispered a quiet, “Yes.” 

Steve smiled softly, which seemed to put Bucky more at ease. “Ok. Let’s get in the car and I can clean you up there. Then I can take you to school. Sounds good?”

The boy nodded softly, hesitantly getting in the passenger seat. Steve closed the door behind him and got in the driver’s seat, rummaging around for the first aid kit and examining its contents upon opening it. Bucky’s eyes never left him, watching his every move.

Steve found a pair of clean tweezers, which would be perfect for pulling out the glass. Sarah Rogers, being a nurse, had made sure that everything in the kit was sterilized or thrown away after each use. He looked up at Bucky, whose gaze was fixed on the tweezers.

“I need to pull the glass out.” Steve said softly. Bucky didn’t do anything for a moment before turning his back to Steve, providing a good angle to reach the wound. Grateful, the blond turned on the lights in the car to see better and carefully got to work.

It hurt like a bitch, if Bucky’s occasional whimpers were anything to go by. Each time, Steve spoke in a soothing voice, “I’m sorry, Buck, I’m sorry. That’s another piece done, you’re doing great.” It was hard not to feel patronizing, but the other boy seemed to relax at each reassurance-at least until the next piece of glass. 

In the meantime, Steve’s thoughts went to whoever had made Bucky so desperate for a gentle touch or a kind word. It had to be someone at home for sure, but Steve couldn’t help thinking back to the football game and the player that had dragged Bucky away from talking to Thor. The larger blond had said it was his boyfriend. Now, Steve was obviously not an expert on relationships, but he did know enough. That didn’t sound like a healthy relationship in the slightest, the other partner dragging Bucky away from talking to another guy. Maybe it was just because it was an opponent? Steve doubted it.

Soon, the last piece of glass was out and deposited into a cup holder. It had been a particularly nasty piece and the whimper Bucky had let out had been heart wrenching. Steve hummed softly. “That’s the last of it, Buck. I’m going to put a dressing and bandage on it, ok?”

The other nodded a tiny bit. The quarterback silently thanked his mother for teaching him how to handle a head wound. It wasn’t permanent though, and Steve would have to make Bucky realize that he needed to see someone.

Other than a flinch when the dressing was applied, Bucky remained still and quiet throughout the bandaging. It looked pretty good, if Steve did say so himself.

“Ok, I’m done.” Bucky slowly turned to face Steve again, face hesitant. “I’m not a medical professional, alright? Please go see someone about this.”

Bucky was quiet for a moment before nodding. Steve wasn’t convinced that he’d actually do it, but he couldn’t force the guy. “To your school?”

Bucky’s face shuttered, becoming a blank canvas. But he nodded and buckled his seatbelt. Steve worried about the reaction, but was pretty sure that he’d only scare Bucky off if he asked. It was important that the other teen could at least kind of trust him. He had a feeling this wouldn’t be the last he’d see of Bucky.

With a few whispered directions from Bucky, Steve was soon pulling up to the Rogue Science Divisional School. It was a very imposing figure, looking more like a metal bunker with windows than a regular school. 

Steve could sense Bucky’s reluctance to leave the car. Before he thought better of it, he found a scrap of paper and jotted down his phone number on it, handing it over to Bucky. The dark haired teen took it with a shaky hand, looking at him uncertainly.

“If you ever need...” Steve hesitated. “...well, anything. Call me. I can try to help.”

Bucky stared at the paper with a hesitant expression. “I don’t have a phone.” He said softly.

Who didn’t have a phone nowadays? Steve decided to not judge; who knows what the reason was. “Keep it anyway. Just in case.”

Bucky was silent before whispering, “Thank you.” He pocketed the piece of paper, which was more than Steve had expected. “For everything.” He left the car quietly, giving Steve a tiny wave before walking towards the school.

Steve drove towards SSR with a heavy stone in his gut, mind not leaving Bucky Barnes. 

*****  
Bucky walked through school silently, feeling the eyes on him. Members of the football team were watching with a sneer, but no one made a move. That scared the teen more than anything. Something was coming. 

Surprisingly, the person to approach him wasn’t Brock, but a freshman girl named Wanda. She looked nervous, fiddling with her jacket. Bucky waited for her to say something, but when she didn’t, he bit out, “What is it?”

The girl didn’t seem to take the harsh tone personally. She said quietly, “Pierce wants to see you in his office.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, next chapter things get worse. Be warned that it will contain non consensual (coerced consent kinda is non consensual) sexual acts between Bucky and Coach Pierce. If you don’t like that, I advise that you at least know that it’s happening because that will cause a shift in events.
> 
> Don’t worry. This will be the only graphic scene between Pierce and Bucky. It’s not a long lasting arrangement anyway.
> 
> So I have a vague idea what the plan is for this, which hopefully means more updates. Bucky will suffer more, but I promise there is a happily after in the end.
> 
> Please let me know in the comments what you think! Feel free to let me know any ideas you have. I’m on Tumblr as Sheepgirl3. I’ve been thinking about making a Insta for my fanfics (for polls, questions, status updates on stories, etc.) Would you guys be interested? Please let me know.
> 
> Love you all!


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